Friday, April 29, 2016

stress and life and adventure

I am in the middle of one of the most difficult and trying times in my life.  I did so much personal work and growth after my divorce and now I'm doing the same after the ending of my relationship with Ali, engagement with Ali (if you're my friend on FB), ending of my relationship with Ali?  Yes, question mark! Yes, engagement!  Yes, ending!

This process of time apart and physical separation from him is absolutely one of the most painfully difficult things I have done, yet something I know is absolutely necessary -- for me, for him! 

I have much work to do on myself.  I plan to write about that process - it's messy.  I'm learning.  I read this post recently and I knew it meant that I needed to write about my process while I was experiencing it instead of waiting for my tender heart to be neatly put back together.  It will be a long time until my tender heart will be put back together...and maybe it will never be neatly.  This experience has changed my life (in a bad way for now...but with time it will be good, I pray).

Let's start here: 

I've been staying at a friend's house for the past 10 days just so that I remain grounded and take care of myself.  I'm not good with the self-care stuff.  But, I am so blessed that my friend (really my second set of parents) have welcomed me into their hearts and home while I am healing and processing my pain.  Like yesterday I burst out in tears as I sat on their kitchen floor with snot flowing from my nose and Cheryl (that lovely lady in the picture) sat down beside me and just put her arm around me.  I love them:

Okay, it's not all bad.  When I take a hit in my personal life, things in my professional life look good.

For example, I'm nearly done my thesis!!!!!  This alone is a big accomplishment.  I never thought I'd ever see the end of it...I think I was afraid to let it go.  Geez, I'm not good at letting go (adding that to the list of personal work).  Plus, I don't think I ever really believed I was capable of completing this goal.

I presented my research in a competition at my university a couple months back and I got selected to present my research at 2 universities in CHINA!   Yup, I'm going to China and I've decided since I'm already all the way on that side of the world, why not stop in and see some friends in Korea?!  So, I'll be spending 10 days in China and then 10 days in Korea.

When I return, I'm presenting my research at a conference in Canada.

And...I presented my research in the 3MT and I got disqualified because I went over the time limit (3 minutes!) but I won the people's choice award!

And I wrote my very first research article and submitted it to a journal.  YAY!

So "work" wise, things are good.  Personal life wise, things are shit!

Meh, I'm trying to smile through the storm.  I'm learning oh so much!


Anonymous said...


I'm so happy for you and your nearly completed thesis!!

China sounds so exciting, good for you Jen. I hope you take us on the journey with you and blog during the trip or at least after the trip with lots of photos!

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well and that you have good friends to lean on during hard times.

I hope you continue to thrive and grow and explode as a smart, strong, wonderful woman!

Keep following your dreams and become the best you can be. You deserve much happiness and success!

With a Big Smile,

Your Long Time Fan!

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

Hey girl! You have made some major accomplishments with school - wow! Good for you! Super impressive!!!

Sorry to hear that you and Ali are no longer engaged :-( That's sad news.

I hope you're doing okay ...

Jacky said...

I loved the post you share. I, too, am guilty of not being raw and real up front. It IS much easier to show vulnerability when you're all fixed up and no longer feeling vulnerable. :O) Congrats on school accomplishments! So exciting to go to China and then Korea. I miss traveling/living abroad sometimes.

Things will get better. Prayer helps exponentially and I am so glad you have people to support you. You will persevere. ^^

-side note--your Canadian accent is much thicker than it used to be (or maybe it's just me)

Anonymous said...

I find it so incredibly strange that you have decided to be a Muslim. Of all religions out there, it is the one most oppressive to women. You're supposed to be submissive, you're supposed to follow your husband rather than walk next to him. I understand there are a lot of weak women who don't know any better -- and for them, this might be the right choice. But with your ideas about open/free speech and being equal, I find this deeply troubling. And yes, I'm aware extreme Islam and "regular" Islam aren't the same thing. They are both still oppressive to women. I wonder if this is the new "cool" -- trying out new religions without actually knowing what they're all about and what they stand for. And then adopting random ideas of that religion while ignoring others. I guess you have traveled to Islamic countries before and you're ok with the role of women in those societies. Because if you haven't, this just sounds like a novelty instead of something well thought out.

Why am I here??? said...

There is a big difference between Islam and culture. What you speak about here is culture. I do not agree with HOW Islam is applied in certain contexts which doesn't infer a rejection of Islam on my behalf. It was well-thought out. It was the right decision for me.