Friday, April 29, 2016

stress and life and adventure

I am in the middle of one of the most difficult and trying times in my life.  I did so much personal work and growth after my divorce and now I'm doing the same after the ending of my relationship with Ali, engagement with Ali (if you're my friend on FB), ending of my relationship with Ali?  Yes, question mark! Yes, engagement!  Yes, ending!

This process of time apart and physical separation from him is absolutely one of the most painfully difficult things I have done, yet something I know is absolutely necessary -- for me, for him! 

I have much work to do on myself.  I plan to write about that process - it's messy.  I'm learning.  I read this post recently and I knew it meant that I needed to write about my process while I was experiencing it instead of waiting for my tender heart to be neatly put back together.  It will be a long time until my tender heart will be put back together...and maybe it will never be neatly.  This experience has changed my life (in a bad way for now...but with time it will be good, I pray).

Let's start here: 

I've been staying at a friend's house for the past 10 days just so that I remain grounded and take care of myself.  I'm not good with the self-care stuff.  But, I am so blessed that my friend (really my second set of parents) have welcomed me into their hearts and home while I am healing and processing my pain.  Like yesterday I burst out in tears as I sat on their kitchen floor with snot flowing from my nose and Cheryl (that lovely lady in the picture) sat down beside me and just put her arm around me.  I love them:

Okay, it's not all bad.  When I take a hit in my personal life, things in my professional life look good.

For example, I'm nearly done my thesis!!!!!  This alone is a big accomplishment.  I never thought I'd ever see the end of it...I think I was afraid to let it go.  Geez, I'm not good at letting go (adding that to the list of personal work).  Plus, I don't think I ever really believed I was capable of completing this goal.

I presented my research in a competition at my university a couple months back and I got selected to present my research at 2 universities in CHINA!   Yup, I'm going to China and I've decided since I'm already all the way on that side of the world, why not stop in and see some friends in Korea?!  So, I'll be spending 10 days in China and then 10 days in Korea.

When I return, I'm presenting my research at a conference in Canada.

And...I presented my research in the 3MT and I got disqualified because I went over the time limit (3 minutes!) but I won the people's choice award!

And I wrote my very first research article and submitted it to a journal.  YAY!

So "work" wise, things are good.  Personal life wise, things are shit!

Meh, I'm trying to smile through the storm.  I'm learning oh so much!