Thursday, February 14, 2013

For Tanya

I'm writing this post so that I can look back on it when I'm feeling defeated with my thesis.  I had a good thesis day which started with a nice chat with Ashley over Skype who is working away on her Master's thesis while simultaneously travelling the world (jealous, especially considering I'm a full-time student without a job and barely managing).

She encouraged me to see my supervisor where I realized the research methodology I wanted to use didn't fit my research questions.  And since my research question should drive my methodology (and not the other way around) I'm going to have to do a little bit more work on the theoretical framework/ methodology section of my thesis proposal.

The first draft (of many) of my thesis proposal should be handed into my supervisor in about a week.  I'm aiming to get it handed in by the end of the month.  That's my goal.  The proposal is 25-35 pages in length.  I have completed 1 paragraph today.  I'm happy with that at the moment.

While meeting with my supervisor today my eyes welled up with tears when she said, "it's okay Jennifer, you don't need to be perfect."  Damn, for only meeting this lady a handful of times, she certainly knows me pretty well.  This thesis will be a personal journey of self discovery.  I will change and transform, just like I did when I went to Korea.  At the end of the meeting with my supervisor I unexpectedly recited my Foreign Love poem.  I made her cry and laugh.  She's a human with emotions too, cool!

In related news, I was pleasantly surprised when my friend alerted me to this announcement on the university news feed.  

Over the course of the past couple of weeks I've started regularly meeting with another graduate student, former co-worker.  We sit down with a bottle of wine and just chat about life.  She's incredibly brilliant and amazingly articulate (while I'm like, okay yah so like yah, what do you like thing?)  She too is meant for academia.  We are finding our way in this world (academia and other) together.  Our chats touch deep parts of my soul.  I'm thankful for her presence.

I've joined Toastmasters.  I actually love public speaking when I have prepared and memorized a speech.  But those damn impromptu speeches (named Table Topics in Toastmasters speak) are a killer. It's because I can't be perfect.  So my motivation for joining was to be okay with not being perfect, that's it.  

In other words, I'm learning to live with ambiguity, discomfort and imperfection.  And I'm happy and sad all at the same time.


ashattack said...

Glad to hear the rest of your day went well. Your professor is right; you don't have to be perfect, and you don't have to do it alone! Fighting!

Anonymous said...

I would like to hear more about how your relationship with Sung Hyun is going since he lives apart from you now, if you care to share.

And I know you've written about finances before. How was living apart changed that aspect of your relationship?

I know, I'm being nosy!

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

Your advisor sounds awesome :-)

And toastmasters - cool!!!!

Why am I here??? said...

Yes, my supervisor is pretty much a closed book, but I think we've struck a chord. Don't worry anony. I'm pretty much an open book. I'll make a post about my relationship and finances shortly!

Tanya said...

Thank you for giving me something to read :) That is so cool that you joined toastmasters. I'm going to have to sit down with you and learn more about it. We all know how much I like talking!