Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Last week...

...was terrible.  

I decided the best way to solve my problems was to run away from home.  It sounded like a reasonable thing to do:  I'd pack a bag, sneak off in the night and then Sung Hyun would wake up and wonder where I was.  

It would be then that he'd realize I took his words "leave me alone!" to heart.

The drops that danced down the window sill that night were also running down my cheeks.  The thunder heard on the other side of the door was also the sound of my heart aching.  I tried to write about it on my blog, like I always do when I feel sad, but nothing came out.  I was stuck.  

What I realized in this time of need was how generous and grateful people are in my life.  Friends who offered advice, family who just listened and people from all over sending positive vibes my way in the form of comment, Facebook messages, or emails.  Thank you all.

Sometimes life just sucks.  And in my case it was nothing in particular.  A misunderstanding with my husband coupled with a bad day was all it took.  There will be moments like these in the future when I feel the weight of the world crushing down on me, pushing me a little more than I feel I can take.  But when I walk away from these times of uncomfortableness I come out stronger and more determined.


I didn't run away that night.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

You might think you would have been braver to leave, because you don't know what was waiting for you if you left. But I think you are braver to stay because you do know what is waiting for you at home. I hope you can find your happiness together, I know that I have had the same thoughts every once in a while and oddly enough I found that it is actually a reaction to eating too much choccolate or not drinking enough water or just being really tired. But at the time it is the most justified thought and everything is totally my husbands fault. I hope that all of that is behind you.

Why am I here??? said...

My reaction was completely uncalled for given the situation. I never thought about it being something related to food etc.. Thanks for the insight. We had an awesome weekend so I'm feeling a lot better!

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

Sorry you had a rough week :-( I hope things are better now!

Anonymous said...

I think maybe you make such a big deal out of everything because your life is too easy. You have a husband who loves you, you have your own place,you just won a scholarship, you've landed great jobs since going back to Canada, you're healthy... I mean, there's really nothing wrong going on with your life, so you make a big deal out of the little things. Maybe you need to spend more time making a list of all the good things you have.

KM said...

I found your blog while teaching English in Korea, and I've been following it for a while now. I don't normally comment on blogs, but Anonymous #2's comment has stuck with me all day. I'm all for being thankful for what you have in life, but that doesn't mean you never have problems or bad days. It's easy to think that there's nothing wrong going on in another person's life when you're on the outside looking in, but you never have the full story. Every couple has disagreements and misunderstandings, no matter what else you have going on in your life. I'm glad that this one has passed, and that you're both feeling better :)

Why am I here??? said...

Hi Jolene, I'm doing much much better this week, thanks for checking in on me ;)

Hey anony. I really like your comment. I think that I do have it easy, comparatively speaking. Knowing that, sometimes I think I sabotage my success. Like when things are going so well with my life I create situations to make challenges, but this not healthy. This is something that I'm aware of and working on. Thanks for you comment. I'm going to write out a list of things I appreciate.

KM.......THANK YOU VERY MUCH for your comment. I love comments so it is always exciting when readers delurk. I'm excited that you read my blog. I think you're right that I need to be alright and give myself permission to have bad days. Sometimes I need to just give myself a break. I did that this past week. I had a fantastic weekend and I'm 'out of my rut' so to speak. Thanks again for your comment KM....I hope you'll stick around and write more ;)

and I do

Mrs. Kim said...

I sort of agree with the 2nd anonymous. I think you crave change and stress, the latter perhaps in a more unconscious way. Some people are like that. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I just think you need to be careful because it can come across as making you seem really entitled. You do have all these good things in your life and it's harder for people to appreciate the more truly soul-searching type of posts when minutes ago you were comparing a $100 vase with a $120 vase, do you know what I mean? It is your blog and a place to talk about whatever you want, it's just something to think about if you are concerned about how you come across. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't think anonymous was saying Jen is not allowed to have bad days. I think he/she was saying that she sometimes makes it sound like "oh, tragedy!" when she's simply just having a bad day. She's obviously living a pretty good life, so bad days should be taken just as that, a bad day you need to get through and get past.

Why am I here??? said...

Thanks so much Mrs. Kim. Actually I am concerned with how I come across to my readers. Do you think that it's because I talk about 'soul-searching' then about something superfluous in the same week? OR is it that I talk about money which comes across as less humble? Thoughts? and thanks for your comment.

Hey anony., I certainly wasn't upset with either comments. Sometimes it's hard to remove yourself from a situation and look at it objectively. And sometimes I do have "oh, tragedy" days when I'm just mad at myself for not being better at organizing, saving money, taking care of my health, investing in my husband. Thanks for the feedback!

Amyable said...

I think posting about serious soul searching topics as well as superfluous topics is fine. After all, it is your blog. You should say what you want, when you want, and how you want. However, I guess that comes with criticism and judgment from the readers of your blog.

I impression of you (just through your blog( is that you are really lost. You make decisions (get married, move back to Canada, enroll in graduate school, etc.) to move forward with your life but you don't really know what it is that makes you happy. Whatever that is, you haven't found it yet.

Why am I here??? said...

Yes correct Amyable. I do feel lost but I'm finding my way. I went to career counselling this week and I'm continuing my counselling next week. I just need some help figuring out my direction. I work hard and do well but I am searching for purpose in life and feel like I'm being pulled in too many directions.

Helena said...

((hugs))

Anonymous said...

This is ridiculous. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Everyone packs a bag a time or two. Your totally normal. As for the comments that your life is too easy.. Well, Bitches be Hatin' ;)

~Coffee Table