Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Monday, July 30, 2012


I love watching the Olympics.  In fact, I spent my entire weekend glued to the TV.  That was my birthday present to myself.

But dressage, also known as horse ballet (yup, you read that right), is one event I just don't understand.  

But don't let my opinion persuade you.  Why don't you judge for yourself?!  

In this piece, I'd like to direct to your attention to two things:  a) the music ("and now I'm thinkin' I'm never gonna smoke no more, and now I'm thinkin' I'm never gonna drink no more, well FUCK IT! bar tender you can give me one more"), and b) the commentator ("Oh, what a dream of a transition", "It just doesn't get any better than that!")

Does anyone else think that music is highly inappropriate for that style of dance?  Coooome oooooon, watch it again, I dare ya!  It's funnier the second time, trust me!

p.s. this video was from the 2006 World Equestrian Games, but STILL this is an Olympic sport!!

Friday, July 27, 2012

Always saying YES

I'm not going to lie, when it comes to work and money it's really hard for me to say NO.

Tomorrow I was asked if I could help drive some students from one end of the city to another.  It would take an hour and I'd end up with $60 in my pocket.

I told the lady I'd check with my husband because it's my birthday tomorrow.  Then, before Sung Hyun came home from his last day of work my mind tossed back and forth: "Yes, I'll do it, it's only 1 hour" "No, I don't want to do it because then I can't sleep in".

When Sung Hyun got home from work I asked him what he thought and he said "Say, no!  It's your birthday.  Sleep in and I'm going to make you breakfast."  I thought about it for another 5 minutes.

Then I said "can you just make breakfast for me on Sunday instead".

That didn't work out in my favour.


Tomorrow I'm NOT working.  It's my BIRTHDAY and I'm sleeping in!!!!

Oh, and I'm slowly learning to say NO!

Oh, and I'm trying to guess what my lover got me for my birthday:

Monday, July 23, 2012

Curriculum Project

(almost) complete!

I'll meet with the boss lady tomorrow so she can edit it.  Then I'll put in my answer key and be done with it.

Here's what I learned about writing curriculum:

a)  I'd rather be teaching.
b)  Writing curriculum sounds like a good idea at the time but in reality I jam 20 hours into 2 days (I had more than 2 weeks to complete this project).
c)  I'd rather be teaching.


I know that part of teaching involves material development and curriculum writing, but I'd much rather be standing in front of a classroom.  I have a lot of good ideas for curriculum scaffolding but I'd rather just tell people and then have them create it.  This project wasn't too bad because it focused on functional/ situation English, not academic (like my last project).  The binder is full of fun activities ESL students can do at camp.  

And now I've signed up to teach the summer camp for the curriculum I just created!

(I have a hard time saying no!)

AAAAAAND I'm done that glass of wine in the time it took me to write this post.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I wanna be outside!

This is what the weather is like RIGHT NOW.  As I sit to type this post I look out my office window and see this:

I'm stuck inside working even though I was invited to go camping.  My husband is working overtime today and tomorrow.  That means I'll do the weekend house cleaning by myself.  He's got 7 days left until he no longer works.

I'm writing curriculum for a summer camp and preparing for private lessons.  I've left it to the last minute so I can't enjoy the weekend or the weather.

But I'm starting the day off right with a healthy bowl of oatmeal.

In the mix:  water, oatmeal, chia seeds, flax seeds, hemp seeds, bee pollen, 4 drops of stevia, a scoop of natural almond butter, a handful of walnuts.

Right now I'm procrastinating.

'Tis going to be a long torturous day inside...

Friday, July 20, 2012

My little worker bee

Who's this Korean guy hard at work?
 That's my lover!
The unfortunate part about working in the trades is this: 
Today Sung Hyun got his 1-week lay off notice effective Friday, July 27th, 2012 -- one day before my birthday.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Food and fun

Tofu bowl for her!

Tofu bowl for him!

I'm hoarding cups in my room.  I always take one to bed but never take them back downstairs.  Last night when Sung Hyun went to bed he said "I hope when I come home from work tomorrow the glasses are not here any more".....point taken sweetieheart ;)  And poof, they're gone!

So I'm pretty excited to have (almost) finished the buffet table.  I love the look of the classy clock but some people have suggested I move it higher.  

And I went with the candle holders, which was a suggestion from a reader (thanks reader!).  Now I need to find purple and green candles to go on top of them.

And that green plant will go back on my end table but I was thinking I needed something on that side to balance it out.  Maybe I need to invest in a REAL plant.  Or does it not need anything on the left side?

In other news:

Sung Hyun cooked steak by himself for the first time yesterday.  He was pretty excited.

And he still loves me (me thinks!) 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Today I...

... got up and checked my blog, Facebook and favourite blogs:  everyday foodie, living on the flipside, healthy tipping point

... went to work and taught my lovely students at REGINA OPEN DOOR.  Ate 2 hard boiled eggs for breakfast during break.

... came home at 12:00 pm, made my lunch (bean burrito, veggies, cherries, white cheddar popcorn)

... watched 30 minutes of Dr. Phil while I emailed my condo manager about a noisy neighbour, sent an email to my future thesis supervisor and chatted on Facebook with a friend.

... googled and read about Generalized Anxiety Disorder (20 minutes).  Gave myself 10 minutes to "worry" and then practiced deep breathing techniques.  Thanks reader! (see I take your advice, I'm just shitty about reporting back:  noted)

... prepared dinner for tonight (tofu bowls -- rice, tofu, grilled veggies, peanut sauce)

... worked on a curriculum project that I've been contracted to do at a private high school in my city

... noted a typo error on the first page of my curriculum project right after I printed it.

... chatted with a friend on the phone and thought about ways to solve her recent trailer purchase issues.

... updated my blog.

Tonight I will...

... eat dinner with my lover while chatting about our day

... put away the laundry

... have a shower 

... watch LOST on Netflix while cuddling with this guy:

Sunday, July 15, 2012

My weekend

The last two weekends in a row I've been camping with some great friends.  It was really good to get away and just relax. 

This weekend was not as fun.  Friday, I spent more time on my bathroom floor then I would have liked  -- food poisoning or the flu.  Either way, it wasn't fun!  Sunday, I had two moles removed (scraped out -- Sung Hyun's words) to send away for testing.  Results in 2 weeks.  Send positive vibes this week please.  Thanks ;)

Saturday, July 14, 2012

My PENIS is BETTER than your PENIS*

Backstory:  A few months back I wrote a post titled MY PENIS IS BIGGER THAN YOUR PENIS.  In this post I wrote about two Korean couples.  One couple (I called them couple B in this story) endlessly talked about how Korea was better than Canada.  That night I almost stood up at the dinner table and said "why don't you take your kimchi refrigerator and go back to Korea!", but I bit my tongue.  I spoke politely.  I smiled.  It was clear that this man (since he was the only one talking) was not going to open up or change his mind.

This is the same couple that had to buy a BIGGER house than their friends, just because.  I titled that post MY HOUSE IS BIGGER THAN YOUR HOUSE.


This is turing into a pissing contest of comparatives.  I'm calling this post My PENIS is BETTER than your PENIS.  This time penis refers to culture.

We invited our good Korean friends (not couple B) to our house 10 (or so) weeks ago for Samgyupsal (that's Korean fried pork).  After dinner Sung Hyun started cleaning up.  He tided up the dishes and wiped the dinner table.  I sat with our friends and talked.  We had a great night together. We had a few beers and it was one night when our Korean friends could get away from their children and just relax.

About two weeks later Sung Hyun went over to their house (alone) to help our friends with something.  This was one of the first times he met them by himself, usually we do couple things together.  Anyways our Korean friends sat Sung Hyun down to talk with him in private.  First they apologized and said that they were sorry.  They said he works so hard and makes a lot of money so they feel bad for him that he has to do things around the house and I do nothing (at this time I was working full-time and part-time and taking a grad class).

Of course Sung Hyun told them that we share the responsibilities in the house and that we both make money.  But that didn't seem to matter.  To them, he should be doing NOTHING and I should be ever so grateful that he comes home with a paycheck.  The fact that I work outside the home and am studying to get my Masters is irrelevant.  That's a lovely double-edged sword.

"If you worked just as hard and just as many hours at McDonalds and make minimum wage, would they still think you work so hard?", I asked Sung Hyun after he told me this story.

"Of course not!"  he replied.  It's all about the money. 

I was angered at first.  Sung Hyun told me this story when we were talking about perspectives.  He actually wasn't going to tell me what happened but this story came about when we talked about only being able to see, and thus interpret a situation, from very limited information.  And to demonstrate that what actually goes on inside the home isn't portrayed.  He was actually teaching me a lesson about judgement.  If this conversation didn't come up he would have never told me about what happened with our Korean friends.  In fact, he prefaced the story by saying "I'm going to tell you what (couple A) thinks about our relationship, but please don't get angry."

I wasn't mad at Sung Hyun for sharing this information with me.  I was actually hurt that my friends would pull Sung Hyun aside to talk to him in private.  If the couple wanted to engage in a constructive debate about prescribed gender roles then they could have brought it up over dinner that night, to my face.  But that wouldn't be the Korean way.

The thing is I'm CANADIAN, not Korean.  WE live in CANADA now, not Korea.  We balance our cultures.  We find a way to make it work for us. 

But to our Korean friends, we have to do it the Korean way.  And so Sung Hyun's PENIS will always be BETTER than my PENIS*.

  *  Sorry for the obscene play on words.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Everyone is fighting their own battle

Life is a process.  It is for me.  I was always so very careful.  I grew up doing well in school.  If I did well I got noticed.  I impressed people.  I got recognition from teachers, friends and most importantly my parents.  I knew no other life.  I worried about everything.  I still worry about everything.

I'm not a big risk taker.  I want to play it safe.  If you think that going to Korea was so adventurous then I'd look at you and say that you could do it too.  It was a choice that I made.  I had a secure job and a place to live.  I didn't even have to purchase my own plane ticket.

Now that I'm getting older I'm letting go.  Letting go of the control.  Letting go of trying to be perfect.  Like when I first met Sung Hyun.  And when it was IMPOSSIBLE for us to be a couple.  And because we knew that, we just enjoyed our moments together.  We couldn't plan for more but won't be happy with anything less.  We didn't have expectations.  We couldn't play those silly dating games.  The culture, the language, the family were all against us but somehow we just couldn't not try to be together.  This is love.  For whatever reason I was meant to be with Sung Hyun.  He is an ideal partner to balance  out all of this craziness.  I'm trying to figure out life, and he's just living it. He comes home at the end of the day with a smile on his face.  In his life everything is so simple.  He chooses happiness.  The end.  

I can't understand how life can be so simple for him.  I make life complicated.  I think too much.  I swim up the river.  I try to control things that can't always be controlled.  I worry about things that don't really matter.

The moments we had together in Korea were so beautiful.  We talk about them.  About going back to the time when we just laughed all the time.  About how we didn't have a care in the world because that time we were together we just enjoyed each others company, no strings attached.  It was like the outside world didn't exist.  We were so far away from reality that our life seemed magical.    

But then with life, as with relationships, expectations change and pressure from others (but mostly myself) surmount.  I know that I want to be with Sung Hyun.  I can't imagine my life without him.  He allows me just enough freedom to explore and feel before tugging me down to reality and saying "hey, you stay at home all afternoon I expect you to cook at least two nights a week".  I need those expectations.  I need someone to give me freedom to wonder yet guidelines in which to operate.  He lets me be me.  He lets me contradict myself and holds my hand when I think I don't need it.  He assures me that things will be alright.  He knows the exact words to say and what to do at any given time.  He respects me.  He trusts me.  He loves me for what I am, not who he thinks I should be.

Sung Hyun is more socially sensitive to my feelings than I could have ever imagined.  He's smart.  He's handsome.  He's got a six pack (I'm throwing this one out there for him, since he like to remind me about his six pack ;)

Marrying him was the biggest risk and best decision I've ever made.  Never have I thought differently.  

I'm learning.  I'm growing.  I'm contradicting myself.  I'm loving life one minute and then pissed off at my laziness/ lack of drive the next.  I expect the best but then don't put in the work it takes to get there.  This is who I am.  You can judge.  I'd expect that you would.  But remember that even if you were a fly on the wall in my life, you are still not ME.  We are different.  You don't know how I feel, or think, or how my past and life experiences have shaped me.  I own myself.  I admit my mistakes.  Slowly, I'm opening up and letting go.  I'm documenting this transition process on my blog.  I don't have it all together.  I don't expect that I'll ever 'figure things out', but this is my journey.  I am owning it.  I am creating it.  This is the life I am living -- even if I don't always like it.

My life is on this blog.  My parents are sometimes uncomfortable with what I write about here.  Sometimes they think that what I write makes my husband look bad, sometimes they think that I'm sharing too much personal information.  In these cases, I like to ask them why they feel uncomfortable.  Why is the sharing of personal information create chaos?  When I started this blog in June 2006 never did I imagine that it would go on for this long.  This is the biggest thing that I've ever committed to.  I don't commit to much.  I get bored easily.  I need a challenge.  I need a purpose.  When things get comfortable they get easy and I more on.  My life goal is not security or stability.  I thought it was.  I thought that's what a 'good' life was about.  That may be what others want for me, but it's not what I want for myself.  I feel there is a larger purpose for me.  I haven't found it yet.  But I'm redefining what I want.  I'm making my own choices.  And I'm living my life, for me.

And aren't we all fighting our own battles in some way or another? Aren't we all contradicting our decisions at some point and wishing for more.  Aren't we all torn by the way we want the world to see us and the way we want to live our lives.  No?  Then you must all be like Sung Hyun, dammit!

This is MY journey.  And this time I'm trying to be less careful!


Now, go ahead and comment anonymously on this post.  In doing so, tell me one thing that you dislike about me/ this blog/ who I am (you get the point) but follow it up with something you admire about me/ this blog/ who I am.  Constructive feed back is good.  You don't need to identify yourself.  I'm giving you permission to say everything you've wanted to say without telling me who you are.  Now go ahead, DO IT!  I promise you won't hurt my feelings or hold it against you (my readers).

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My love, my life

Sung Hyun and I are enjoying our summer together with friends, family and most importantly ourselves.

And it's a BLAST!

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Last week...

...was terrible.  

I decided the best way to solve my problems was to run away from home.  It sounded like a reasonable thing to do:  I'd pack a bag, sneak off in the night and then Sung Hyun would wake up and wonder where I was.  

It would be then that he'd realize I took his words "leave me alone!" to heart.

The drops that danced down the window sill that night were also running down my cheeks.  The thunder heard on the other side of the door was also the sound of my heart aching.  I tried to write about it on my blog, like I always do when I feel sad, but nothing came out.  I was stuck.  

What I realized in this time of need was how generous and grateful people are in my life.  Friends who offered advice, family who just listened and people from all over sending positive vibes my way in the form of comment, Facebook messages, or emails.  Thank you all.

Sometimes life just sucks.  And in my case it was nothing in particular.  A misunderstanding with my husband coupled with a bad day was all it took.  There will be moments like these in the future when I feel the weight of the world crushing down on me, pushing me a little more than I feel I can take.  But when I walk away from these times of uncomfortableness I come out stronger and more determined.

I didn't run away that night.