Thursday, May 24, 2012
Let's talk about life....
This month I went from working full-time to part-time. Two weeks ago I quit my grad class.
I had these grand plans that will all my free time everything would fall nicely into place: I'd start to eat healthier, I'd nourish my body with water and exercise, I'd be a better wife, I'd cook more at home, I'd keep a neater house, I'd be a happier person...
...good intentions, if you will.
But the reality is that I've just got more time to eat potato chips and fall asleep to Dr. Phil, which seems to be the running theme of the week.
Darn it, change doesn't just happen by wishing. I wish I was this, or that, or whatever (fill in the blanks as you so please). Anyone else ever struggle with this? Come on, I know you're out there....
On Sunday night of last week, my good friend came over for a chat. She has been contemplating a major life decision, a huge career move, and she needed my help to 'talk through the decision'. Our "I'd like to stop by and talk to you about what I should do" turned into a 3 hour conversation about life, work, and family.
My friend, a real go getter, turned down a job offer that would have turned her into a real career woman. She decided to put her family first and stay with her current position because she knew that if she accepted the job she'd be tied to the phone on the weekends dealing with clients. To her, there would be no work/life balance, so she made a decision to put her family first.
She made the right choice.
From there we moved on to talks of family and life choices. We discussed our relationship and expectations in our marriage. We talked about how our husbands are so similar, even though they come from very different places. We talked about love. And SEX ;)
We concluded that we should both read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We agreed to make a point to meet each week to talk through some of the common themes we have in our relationship. Like when we (us 2 women) want to talk through our decisions about major life choices with our partners but our partners say "just do what makes you happy, I'll support you with whatever decision you make."
It's great that our men are so supportive. Sung Hyun has told me numerous times that if I want to get my PhD that he'd support me or if I wanted to be a stay at home wife that he'd support me. How lovely it is to be with someone who allows me so much freedom in my relationship.
But sometimes I need a woman to talk through my options with me. I don't want to paint Sung Hyun badly here, when in fact the opposite is true. He'd gladly listen to me talk about my trials and tribulations. But then he'd say "I just want you to be happy so decide whatever". He's a 'go with the flow, don't take life so seriously' kind of person. I'm an 'OMG let's try to control everything and strive to make our lives challenging because it's only when we're struggling that we're learning and growing' kind of person. We're a good match. But I still need a girlfriend to help me 'talk through my choices'.
My mom always told me that you can't expect your spouse to be perfect and it's not fair to place such high expectations on them. Instead, if you find you are missing something, go out and find that quality in someone/something else.
So we're starting a husband club. And we're going to meet every week or so. Our goal will not be to vent about our husbands but rather to find better ways to communicate our needs and wants while acknowledging our partners as well. It's about healthy compromise and balance. And you all know I'm SHIT at BOTH!
WISH ME LUCK!