Wednesday, May 30, 2012
How do you pinpoint the non-enjoyment?**
Alternative title: Pity party for one!
This post was written because a) I use my blog and a medium to express my personal frustrations, b) I like hearing what others have to say in the comments section, and c) because we are so eager to show the world when we do good, but we also have to remain humble, and honest.
I'm at a cross roads.
I'm in a rut.
I'm searching for more.
I'm probably just* depressed. I don't know.
I want to do things. I want to change. But I don't put in the hard work I need to get it done. I'm lazy. I'm all or nothing. I'm hard on myself. I have feelings of guilt if I come home and don't do what I had planned. I need external motivation and reward. I've got a strong personality. I'm stubborn. But I give up too easily. I'm not happy accomplishing things on my own. I need to work on my confidence. I don't believe good things should happen to me. I'm sure those that know me (especially my family and husband) could add to this list.
Bah-humbug! How's that for real? Real depressing.
I need constant change. I need to be challenged. When I was little I'd change my room around every month or so. I got bored easily. I still get bored easily. I've taken on volunteer projects at work to combat some of this.
Some days are awesome. I feel really good and blessed to have a wonderful family and an understanding husband. Some days are bad and I feel guilty for not being better.
But I want more. And I'm searching. I'm looking.
And I'm coming up with......NOTHING!
(Except blogging. Blogging makes me happy)
* I use the word just to refer to this personal realization, NOT to simplify or undermine the severity of this disorder.
** My friend Tanya inspired this title and topic of post for today