Monday, April 16, 2012

OUR husband

An anonymous commenter in a previous post got me thinking about language -- specifically about possessive pronouns and adjectives.

I think (correct me if I'm wrong) the commenter was referring to when I used the phrase "stuff the vase with MY money". He/she said "I cringe every time you refer to MY money, as if Sung Hyun makes no money at all, or you're roommates instead of husband and wife."

He/she makes a good point!

It's funny how one word can give the wrong vibe. In no sense did I mean to say that the money belongs to ME and Sung Hyun hasn't contributed to our finances. The my, in "stuff the vase with my money", was more in relationship to you (the reader) and me (the writer). As in, YOU decide what to do with MY money (after all I'm the one writing the blog, not Sung Hyun). I was actually contemplating putting OUR in the title but then I thought it sounded like the money belonged to you, the reader.


Anyways, I remember when Sung Hyun first introduced me to his friends as 'our' girlfriend. Korean culture is much less individual than Western culture. In Korean, for example, I'd say "this is our mom" not "this is my mom". The very basis of a language say a lot about that culture.

So in my Western circle of friends all of my girlfriends have professional careers. They are strong, independent women who stand on their own. All of them make more money than their spouses. All of them, with the exception of one or two, have separate bank accounts. They have a separate account for their joint expenses (ie. mortgage, utilities, and food).

Another couple I know doesn't share with one another how much money they make. They each contribute X number of dollars to the joint account and what is left in their individual accounts is 'their' personal money. I'm not saying this the the right or wrong way to handle their finances. This system works for them. They have "collective" money and "individual" money. And although this is not the way I choose to handle my finances with Sung Hyun, I don't think my friends way is incorrect either.

Next time I'll choose my words wisely, as to not exclude our husband ;)


Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

I think some people worry a little too much ... I would have said "my" money too :-)

Annie-Me said...

I think the only thing necessary is that you have common goals and that even if you have you own monies that you both are saving for one of those emergency funds. And seriously though...

So what if you say "my money". If you are using the money you earned to stuff your vase....then it is YOUR money....whether one chooses to share the money is your choice....I dunno...I guess I am selfish that way.

Amyable said...

My theory is that money I earned is my money and money earned by my husband is my money. :P

My husband is completely on board with this! :)

Tanya said...

gawd, people are so damn picky!!! They really like to put you down and think that you are horrible to your husband. Unfortunately they only see the internet side of you and don't sit in your house with you and your husband to know what kind of relationship you have.

I would have said my money. Just because you are married doesn't mean you have to share everything. You are still an individual. Just because you are married and spending your life with someone doesn't mean you become one person. I believe marriage or relationships should be two people walking parallel paths. If two people try to share the same path arguments are bound to happen; one person is always going to be the leader and the other a follower.

P.S. What the H-E-double hockey sticks is Sung Hyun wearing?!! lol

Why am I here??? said...

Yes, I agree Jolene and Annie. Amyable, you almost made me pee my pants. I LOVE IT! Sung Hyun's wearning a sweater that his sister made. It's little dog prints. That's his softer side. Don't say anything or he won't think it's okay to wear it. He won't wear the pink teddy bear shirt anymore because he's worried what Canadians will think...keke