For the past little while I have been seriously unhappy. It probably comes a no surprise that we haven't fully moved into our new place. I haven't had the time because well, I haven't made the time. I'm a workaholic!
I bury myself in work because I get a lot of gratification in what I do. I feel valued. I do not feel the same reward in my relationship. I'd rather come home when my husband is sleeping after working a full day. Last night I finally figured out why.
The main gist is that I'm feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I haven't really dealt with the repercussions of moving to another country with a Korean husband. It's hard! I haven't put in the time or the effort into our relationship that I need to. Also, Sung Hyun has the expectation that I will take care of EVERYTHING. And now that I look back and reflect, I'm starting to see that this is his character. I can't fault him for this. His sisters always took care of him. He didn't have any responsibility growing up. If he didn't pay his credit card on time in Korea "Oh well..."
I'm the one who moved most of the stuff into our place. I'm the one who organized a moving crew. The only thing we have left to move is our clothes. I work 13 / 14 hours a day. I sleep 6 hours. I eat 3 meals in my car. He's home and fed by 6:30. He spends the rest of his night playing on the computer(?). There is plenty of time for him to do the rest.
So at the end of the day, I come home to an even bigger list of things to do. And because I don't want to do them anymore I've swallowed myself in WORK. That way I don't need to deal with it.
The intentions of me sharing this with you today is not so I can receive any sympathy nor so that I can hear you say "I've told you all along, why don't you just quit your jobs and this problem will solve itself". I don't believe it's as simple as that. And I don't want to hear about how I'm a terrible wife. I already place that guilt on myself. And I don't want to bash my husband.
I'll be back. I don't know when because right now I am not well (and I don't want to pretend everything is).