Monday, February 27, 2012

Generating Disagreement

I seemed to have evoked people who either agree or disagree with the presentation of my current relationship. It's good because I honestly like to hear from both sides.
Just to clear things up:
* I am not getting a divorce. Actually, neither Sung Hyun or myself think that we have a huge problem that warrants this. Really, that's not at all where we are at.
* I have communication problems with my husband. Yes, they are my fault. They are our fault. Yes, I need to put more time and effort into improving this. We both know that. We both agree on this. We are doing this. We have decided to eat with the T.V. off and just talk about life. It's been great so far!
* Despite knowing that we have communication problems, we also have problems due to a language barrier. Sometimes we laugh at these situations when we completely misunderstand one another due to this barrier. Sometimes these situations can be really frustrating. But there is no doubt that due to language/cultural differences we have a lot of misunderstandings as well.
* I read all comments and reflect upon the words of advice that's offered, even if said comments are negative. I appreciate honesty so if people call me out on things I have done then I'm okay with that. It's okay to feel uncomfortable. I know it's at these moments when I'm really learning. I don't get mad when people write negative things about me. These people have taken the time to read/respond to my blog. I'm especially glad when these people take ownership of their words by identifying themselves.
* From the feedback this week I have learned that it sounds like I'm venting. Blogging for me is a release. I could easily journal about this behind lock and key. I feel good letting it out and I'm okay with people judging me in the process, but I will pay particular attention to times when I come across as "just venting".
* My husband reads my blog. I share my feelings with my husband about times when I'm frustrated etc.
* Change is slow. If you're along for the ride then don't expect me to read your comment and say "duh, why didn't I think of that?!" All comments are respected. I haven't categorized comments into "will follow/won't follow" -- no hen pecking here!
* The feedback I receive from my readers is great, even if you think YOU can't fix my problems. Counselling was never really an option for me. But now I see no shame in improving mental health. Since I know nothing about how to do this I have already visited counselling services to book my first meeting. So don't think you're words are not valued.
* Everyone has issues. We are human! I don't believe for a second that you, my readers, can sit back and say 'oh her life is screwed up!' without taking a peak in your closet first. Sometimes the people with the biggest criticism (hiding behind anonymous comments) are those who are probably not dealing with their own issues whether they be pertaining to their financial, personal, relationship, work, or social life. If I'm wrong and you are completely happy and love every bit of your life every second of the day then I want to say that's awesome. I know people who are like this (my husband) and I envy their free spirit. These people will probably live a lot longer than worry-warts like me.
* And finally, if what I write about is not interesting to you then what is it you are looking for when you come to my blog?

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jen,

Don't give the negative criticism another thought. It's much easier to cast stones than be considerate.

I love your honesty and willingness to share your inter-racial marriage with us.

I am married to a Korean-Korean man and I am Canadian-Korean and know how hard it is. You are much more considerate than me and handle things with much more grace than I do.

Hang in there.

Your blog is one of my first stops when I get online.

Can you post more pictures of Regina, and food? Love food!

Take care and keep blogging.

The One Who Really Thinks You Need Counseling said...

"Counselling was never really an option for me. But now I see no shame in improving mental health. Since I know nothing about how to do this I have already visited counselling services to book my first meeting."

Excellent! I hope it goes well for you. Thank you for being open to the idea of it. And remember, if you don't like the counselor, look for another one. A counselor is supposed to be a good fit for you. The first meeting is usually there for the two of you to figure out if you'd be a good match together.

권투선수 에이미 [Amy] said...

You know what Jennifer, NO ONE knows you better than YOU!!! So take people's advice with a grain of salt, let their neg-vibes roll off your shoulders, focus on the positive feedback, but listen to what YOUR HEART tells you.

You've been you since the day you were born so do what you want to do. You don't have to impress, listen, tolerate, or agree with anyone but YOU.

late bloomer said...

Hey Jen !
I'm only 20 y.o and I've been following your blog for at least 2 years now I believe.
I think you're very brave and I look up to you quite a lot. And I like the fact that you talk about personal issues. Since I'm the kind who keeps everything inside.

I'm sending you positive vibes ~