Sunday, October 09, 2011
All sorts of uncomfortable!
AH HA! I know why I've been eating my weight in junk food lately!
I am struggling with choices in my life right now. I quit my evening job at Regina Open Door. Although I love the students I know that I really do need to be spending more time with my husband. Although I have been going back and forth on this one for quite some time it was comments from this post that solidified my decision. In fact, I woke up that day, read the comments on my break at work, wrote my letter of resignation in the 20 minute window before I had to go to my evening job and handed the letter to my boss that very night. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Currently I'm in grad school. Although I'm only taking 1 class (albeit 2 classes is full-time) I feel very VERY overwhelmed. The perfectionist in me wants me to do really really well. But the reality is I can't just pick up where I left off in my undergrad. I used to be a really good academic writer. As I look back now I realized that I missed some amazing opportunities to publish some of my papers because I was 'too busy' to make time with my profs to edit my work for a journal. I was 'too busy' trying to get good grades that I missed the point. Now I'm mad at myself for not being able to pick up where I left off. I'm struggling......
.....I've even considered quitting because I don't know fully if I want to specialize in the field of Adult Education. Why should I invest so much time (and money) into a field that I'm not 100% sure I want to pursue? Teaching is my passion, yes, but I just don't know where I see myself in 5 years from now. On the other hand, education is never really a waste. And then when I'm in the classroom I'm like "YAH, I love this. Learning is fun. It challenges me and makes me think in different ways that I didn't think was possible. I feel so inspired!". Then I get home and feel so overwhelmed.
So I'm just so unsettled. That's the reason why I've been keeping myself busy. Sad, I know! If I'm busy then I don't need to address this nagging voice that keeps saying 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' Geez, am I the only one who feels this way?
So yah that's what's been going on lately.
This Thanksgiving I'm thankful that my husband didn't die in this explosion at his work place. Scary stuff:
p.s. I feel so vulnerable, in a good way, when I write about this kind of stuff on my blog. But my dad feels that I'm too honest and at times say too much (HI DAD!). I'm wondering if I need to tone it down or if this is the kind of stuff you look for when coming to my site. Take a minute and let me know in the comments below. Thanks!