Sunday, September 25, 2011

A NEW perspective

I love Kendra's comment in the last post about losing weight (she's so insightful btw). Basically she is telling me to stop making excuses pertaining to weight loss/ healthy lifestyle.

It's exactly what I needed. And she's right. If I am to commit to a healthier lifestyle I will have to find ways to cope even when times are stressful. That means I cannot resort to food as a comfort when I'm stressed and feel I cannot accomplish all I have set out to do.

I like this new perspective because I have always allowed myself to 'cheat' or 'let things slip' when I feel overwhelmed by my duties. An example of this is on Friday I went for a 40 minute run with a co-worker after work and my mom commented that if I had so much to do maybe I should have skipped my run. And that is a reasonable way to think. If you need to accomplish something, but do not have enough time to get it done, then something needs to go. And if health is not a priority, which in my mom's case it isn't her first concern, then it only makes sense to get rid of it. That's 40 minutes of reading I could have done in that time.

But I've noticed a new found shift in the way I think. When my mom said that to me, I really could not believe it. Stop something that is healthy for me, in the name of trying to get something else done? Doesn't that seem counter-productive? In fact running is probably a good stress relief given my current situation. Anyways, I certainly wasn't mad about my mom's comment and do not want it to come across that way as I write about it, but rather it was a good reminder that health should come first. And that little life stresses should not interfere with living a healthier lifestyle.

I have no one to blame but myself for creating this situation. I was the one who decided to go to grad school. I was the one who chose to work an insane amount of hours this semester. I was the one who could not say 'no' when someone asked me to teach them English on the weekend. I was the one who decided to get another evening part-time job which would mean I wouldn't return home before 9:30 pm every night.

So now that I know I've created this situation I take comfort in know that I can change this situation if I need to. There is no sense trying to kill myself in the process but if I had to quit something I would be very disappointed in myself. Choosing the easy way out perhaps?

Does this make sense? Am I just trying to make an excuse for not being able to accomplish things I have set out to do this semester? Because when it comes to the fight or flight response.......I usually choose the flight!


Anonymous said...

You've written that you love work and love having a jam-packed schedule and love having a busy life. But then you consistently complain about your stress level, and how you aren't spending enough time with family, friends, and your husband. (I could point to multiple posts about this, but your August 19th post is perhaps the most telling.)

You say you work best under stress, but have you ever considered that you are actually prioritizing avoidance? Avoidance of feelings, avoidance of time to think about things clearly, avoidance of time with your husband? You're choosing to hide from your feelings, hide from thinking, hide from your husband.

Is that really any way to live?

Why am I here??? said...

Absolutely! Hey anony, you make excellent points....I wish you would name yourself.

I think I have a hard time striking a balance between just enough to motivate me and too much to be counterproductive.

And you are correct that I am keeping busy to avoid other things. My friend commented on this the other day. Any suggestions on how to help this?

Tanya said...

You and I are very similar. We like to be busy and have some level of stress to feel normal but I truly hate to agree with someone who is making a harsh comment like anonymous but I think they are partially right. There comes a point when you need to scale it back a bit. You can enjoy a busy career life and just cause you have a night off where you go out with friends or just stay in and watch tv with your husband does not mean you are being lazy or not accomplishing anything in life.

I know you have trouble with balance but you just said health should be a priority. You were surprised by your mom's comment about running and being healthy but did you consider your emotional and mental health? There is more to health than what you eat and the exercise you do.

Learn that sitting on your ass doing nothing sometimes does not mean you are wasting away your life. I think its time to look at your schedule and see what can give. Think about your goals in life and your career. Is it to work at everything possible or do you have a specific career goal? If it's to work with adult education do you have to do that in three different jobs or can you narrow it down to make room for the other goals you have in life?

As your friend, not as a harsh commenter I think you are going on overload. You don't want to look back and say see I did all that but what do I have to show for it.

I also agree, I think you are avoiding something. You may not even know what it is but as hard as it is, I think its time to face it. Whether its the help of a professional who can listen to you and help you work it out, whether its on your blog or talking to your husband, you need to figure it out to have a bit more balance. You love your life of busy but you are not happy right now.

Anonymous said...

Well, embrace the things you're avoiding. Avoiding things only makes them worse in the long run.

You say that quitting would be the easy way out, but by choosing to cram your schedule full instead of choosing to tackle your fears, you're *also* choosing an easy way out.

It is *far* easier to push down (or eat away) feelings than it is to actually address them. And it's pretty obvious from your posts that there is something internal you're afraid to address. (Again, see the August 19th post.)

Anonymous said...

Thought you might be interested:

Jennifer said...

reading your sunday weigh-in and ups and downs has been an encouragement and i've decided to get better about my food and exercise.
one thing that i'm trying to encourage myself with is that even if you work out, or do some sort of exercise for even 20 minutes. or something simple like take the stairs instead of an elevator. the little things will keep you encouraged.

thanks for your insight.... :)

Diana E. Sung said...

I have to agree to an extent with Anon and Tanya. I think you're running yourself into the ground to avoid dealing with those big, nagging questions you brought up in August. I mean... you're not taking on 3 jobs to support children or keep yourself from starving here. Everything you're doing is a choice. Right now in your life, with the financial support of your parents, you have a lot of significant opportunity to delve into self-discovery. You owe it to yourself and your future to quit something less important to you to prioritize what really matters.

Why am I here??? said...

That's great Jennifer.......I'm so glad that I can help in some sort of way. Hearing things like this encourages me too and makes me want to work all that much harder.

You're right Diana! Great insight.......and today I did just that!