Saturday, August 27, 2011

STUPID, I know!


When the going gets TOUGH........

........I QUIT!

I make excuses for myself NOT to succeed. Stupid, I know!

"I don't deserve to do well, I don't deserve to be happy."

I set myself up for failure and fall short of accomplishing my goals (which are realistically set too high to begin with).

I didn't complete my last semester of Korean classes because I was worried I would fail the final exams. Stupid, I know!

I start something only to quit it a few months later. I rarely see projects from start to finish. When things get tough it's just easier to walk away and start something else; just get up and move, and keep going.

But then just the other night I found this inspiriting quote on the Internet:

"If you want to succeed, double your failure rate." Thomas Watson

And then moments later I found this little gem written by one of my favourite bloggers and I actually thought she wrote THIS for me.

When I read it I just sat there thinking. And I said to myself "Jennifer what the hell are you so afraid of? and why are you letting this fear stand in the way of who YOU are and who YOU want to be?" Stupid, I know!

So when times get tough instead of walking away I'm going to walk on over to my little bloggie and pour out my heart. Because it's comments like these from all my wonderful readers that really make a difference to me.

People reaching out to help me? Wow!

I may not have quantity but I certainly can count on my readers for quality.

AND FOR THAT, I THANK YOU!!!!!!

Today I woke up and I followed through with one on my goals. I signed up for a 5K race over a month ago and I've been working hard to train for this race because if you know me I'm NOT a runner. I'm lucky to have met a wonderful lady (Sharla) through my good friend Tanya. Sharla was the first person to take me out for a run. The first time we went together was awful. I had to stop every couple of minutes. But she kept encouraging me to push on and make it to the end. When we finished the run she asked me when I would like to run again later that week. It was obvious that she could run much further distances at a much faster pace. Why would she want to go with me again if I was only holding her back? We scheduled another run a couple of days later and then the following week and before long I had gone on 5 or 6 runs with her.

Then she left for a 1 month vacation around Canada.

She told me that by the time she got back I'd be able to run the entire distance around the lake (about 4K) without stopping to walk. I didn't believe her.

So I kept running. I ran at night. I tracked a 5K course around my house and I went by myself. Then I signed up for a 5K race.

And she was almost right. By the time she got back I could run 5K with only one 30 second walking break. I set a goal for the race. I wanted to complete the 5K in 30 minutes.

But then, since I was having such a terrible week, I didn't run at all. My personal trainer at the gym cancelled my Monday workout because she was sick. It was a good 10 + days of zero exercise.

I felt awful. I was a failure.

I decided NOT to run the 5K race because I wasn't in 'good enough' shape. I had let myself go, when times got busy. I was disappointed at myself for not seeing this through, so I ate food (that didn't even taste that good) to make myself feel better. Stupid, I know.

But then I changed my mind. I decided that going out to run in a race, even if I didn't do well, would be better than not doing it. At least I'd be exercising.

So the night before the race I did nothing to prepare, in fact I even drank beer at dinner. I didn't set out my clothes. I didn't turn on my alarm clock. I didn't charge my watch.

I was creating as many obstacles for myself as I could so that I didn't have to do the race.

"Oh my shoes are old and I didn't have enough time to buy new ones so I probably shouldn't race."

"If I sleep in and miss the race then it wasn't meant to be. My body just needed the sleep."

"If I leave late, get in a panic then maybe I won't find the start, so I could just go home."

"Sung Hyun was supposed to race with me and he has to work today so I shouldn't go alone"

THESE ARE ALL THOUGHTS THAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD. Stupid, I know!

So today when I woke up I was nervous. I second guessed myself all the way to the race. I almost went home when I couldn't find a place to park.

"There is still time to back out"

"I'm going to smile in this picture, but man am I scared!"

This time NONE of my excuses stopped me from running.

TODAY I ran the 5K race!!!!

And my NEW goal before I started was to 'just finish the f'ing thing'.

So I surprised myself when I crossed the finish line at 29:59.

That's 1 second off my original goal that I never thought I could ever accomplish.

AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also walked away with a prize to 'body talk' which apparently helps to relieve stress. Can't help but think that's a hint!

Thank you to my dear readers and an even bigger thank you to all those who have taken the time to comment. You're words have made a difference!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jennifer, I am so proud of you!!! I knew you could do it! I am so happy that you finished the race and reached your goal of finishing before the 30 minute mark. I will really miss our runs around the lake. Trust me there have been times when I too contemplated skipping a run, but the fact that you were eager to improve and obtain your goal of the 5km, you too kept me motivated to stay active. It's a wonderful thing to find a great workout buddy. It sure makes the process even more enjoyable! Just so you know, I will really miss our workouts. I hope you continue your journey of living a healthy lifestyle and living life to the fullest. I wish you all the best! Yours in fitness, Sharla. Next June...you and I run 10 km ;)

Helena said...

Woo hoo!

ambearo said...

That is SO AWESOME!!! Inspiring!! You should be proud!

Why am I here??? said...

Thank you Sharla. GAME ON! Thanks for your support ladies (Helena and Ambearo)

Tanya said...

You almost made me cry when I read this. I am so proud of you. you have given me the courage to think and know I can do this too!!

One thing I'd like to say is your post that you always make unrealistic goals anyways. There is no such thing as unrealistic goals. You can accomplished anything you want to. Unrealistic goals is a way of saying you don't believe you are good enough to reach it so you do put obstacles in front of yourself.

But I am very very proud of you. You have made others who think they couldn't accompish a dream like that know that we can.

*Krista* said...

Jennifer - I'm proud of you too! Not only for the 5k race, but for believing in yourself and not giving up on yourself! It must have been really hard to overcome all of those "challenges" that you set out for yourself before your race (not setting alarm, not preparing clothes, etc). But you DID IT!! Believing in yourself is the hardest part of the battle, and I love that you went out with the attitude of, even if I don't do well, it is STILL an accomplishment to run a 5k race!

If you need a new running partner - let me know! I'm always up for a good run. And heck, if you run with me, I'll be the one stopping for breaks, and you'll be the pro!! :)

Here's to your personal growth Jennifer! Love your friend Krista!

*Krista* said...

Me again! Just wanted to share a quote that I found with you about success! I think this quote is very suiting in light of your recent success!

"Action is the foundational key to all success."
Pablo Picasso

Just keep acting and moving forward and that will bring you success!

Why am I here??? said...

Tantan,

I'm happy you liked this post. I disagree with you though, but maybe that's because I haven't explained myself correctly. What I mean is that I set unrealistic goals. All of my goals are achievable but NOT all at once. So what I need to learn to do is set a goal and see it through from start to finish. Another thing that I need to do is set goals that don't contradict one another. Your comment about 'unrealistic goals and creating obstacles' really got me thinking. Do you do the same?

KRISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! How lovely for you to comment on my blog. You're words mean a lot to me and I really think you are doing what you are meant to be doing. You're going to make an excellent counsellor.

asiangarden said...

Way to go!! I could have written a lot of the things you wrote. I set myself up for failure A LOT! It's a terrible habit, but you are right, we don';t care enough about ourselves or feel we are worth it, so we self sabotage..ugh and then end up feeling worse about ourselves than before! Good for you for making your 5k!! you did it!!

Diana E.Sung said...

Nice job!