Saturday, August 27, 2011
STUPID, I know!
When the going gets TOUGH........
I make excuses for myself NOT to succeed. Stupid, I know!
"I don't deserve to do well, I don't deserve to be happy."
I set myself up for failure and fall short of accomplishing my goals (which are realistically set too high to begin with).
I didn't complete my last semester of Korean classes because I was worried I would fail the final exams. Stupid, I know!
I start something only to quit it a few months later. I rarely see projects from start to finish. When things get tough it's just easier to walk away and start something else; just get up and move, and keep going.
But then just the other night I found this inspiriting quote on the Internet:
"If you want to succeed, double your failure rate." Thomas Watson
And then moments later I found this little gem written by one of my favourite bloggers and I actually thought she wrote THIS for me.
When I read it I just sat there thinking. And I said to myself "Jennifer what the hell are you so afraid of? and why are you letting this fear stand in the way of who YOU are and who YOU want to be?" Stupid, I know!
So when times get tough instead of walking away I'm going to walk on over to my little bloggie and pour out my heart. Because it's comments like these from all my wonderful readers that really make a difference to me.
People reaching out to help me? Wow!
I may not have quantity but I certainly can count on my readers for quality.
AND FOR THAT, I THANK YOU!!!!!!
Today I woke up and I followed through with one on my goals. I signed up for a 5K race over a month ago and I've been working hard to train for this race because if you know me I'm NOT a runner. I'm lucky to have met a wonderful lady (Sharla) through my good friend Tanya. Sharla was the first person to take me out for a run. The first time we went together was awful. I had to stop every couple of minutes. But she kept encouraging me to push on and make it to the end. When we finished the run she asked me when I would like to run again later that week. It was obvious that she could run much further distances at a much faster pace. Why would she want to go with me again if I was only holding her back? We scheduled another run a couple of days later and then the following week and before long I had gone on 5 or 6 runs with her.
Then she left for a 1 month vacation around Canada.
She told me that by the time she got back I'd be able to run the entire distance around the lake (about 4K) without stopping to walk. I didn't believe her.
So I kept running. I ran at night. I tracked a 5K course around my house and I went by myself. Then I signed up for a 5K race.
And she was almost right. By the time she got back I could run 5K with only one 30 second walking break. I set a goal for the race. I wanted to complete the 5K in 30 minutes.
But then, since I was having such a terrible week, I didn't run at all. My personal trainer at the gym cancelled my Monday workout because she was sick. It was a good 10 + days of zero exercise.
I felt awful. I was a failure.
I decided NOT to run the 5K race because I wasn't in 'good enough' shape. I had let myself go, when times got busy. I was disappointed at myself for not seeing this through, so I ate food (that didn't even taste that good) to make myself feel better. Stupid, I know.
But then I changed my mind. I decided that going out to run in a race, even if I didn't do well, would be better than not doing it. At least I'd be exercising.
So the night before the race I did nothing to prepare, in fact I even drank beer at dinner. I didn't set out my clothes. I didn't turn on my alarm clock. I didn't charge my watch.
I was creating as many obstacles for myself as I could so that I didn't have to do the race.
"Oh my shoes are old and I didn't have enough time to buy new ones so I probably shouldn't race."
"If I sleep in and miss the race then it wasn't meant to be. My body just needed the sleep."
"If I leave late, get in a panic then maybe I won't find the start, so I could just go home."
"Sung Hyun was supposed to race with me and he has to work today so I shouldn't go alone"
THESE ARE ALL THOUGHTS THAT WENT THROUGH MY HEAD. Stupid, I know!
So today when I woke up I was nervous. I second guessed myself all the way to the race. I almost went home when I couldn't find a place to park.
"There is still time to back out"
"I'm going to smile in this picture, but man am I scared!"
This time NONE of my excuses stopped me from running.
TODAY I ran the 5K race!!!!
And my NEW goal before I started was to 'just finish the f'ing thing'.
So I surprised myself when I crossed the finish line at 29:59.
That's 1 second off my original goal that I never thought I could ever accomplish.
AND I'M DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also walked away with a prize to 'body talk' which apparently helps to relieve stress. Can't help but think that's a hint!
Thank you to my dear readers and an even bigger thank you to all those who have taken the time to comment. You're words have made a difference!