Friday, March 19, 2010

Life!

Sometimes I look around smile and wonder how I got so lucky to be living this life. I'm truly having an amazing time in Korea and I actually really like living with my mother-in-law. I have a great group of people that I can call my friends. For the past 3 weeks I have been attending full-time Korean language courses at Sogang University and the teachers/ fellow classmates have far surpassed my expectations. I've had several amazing job opportunities fall into my lap. (I totally rocked my first day teaching the Presidents' bodyguards btw). But as the moving to Canada date draws closer I find myself wrapping my arms tighter and tighter around this country wondering how I'm going to be able to just pack it all in a bag and start again new. I think subconsciously I'm wishing for a delay in the paperwork so that the decision of WHEN to leave Korea is not left up to me. I'm just not sure I'm ready to say 'good-bye' and honestly speaking I'm not sure if I will ever feel secure in my decision to leave my new found home. This 'one year adventure to teach English overseas and come back to start my career' has turned into my life. It's transformed who I am.

And then there are days, like today, when I wake up feeling a little lost, when I look into the mirror and see a little more wrinkles on my forehead and feel that life is slipping through my fingers a little too quickly.

I don't live in the moment! I'm either planning for the future or recalling the past; trying to save money for Canada or looking back at old pictures realizing just how blessed I am. This much, I know about myself. I also know that I don't take care of myself or put myself first. Diana's most recent post on health, couldn't have come at a better time.

So today I cancelled my 2 Saturday jobs, a evening of shopping with some friends, a meeting with a new language exchange partner and dinner because I'm coming down with a cold. And I will take the day to rest but not without first feeling a little guilty that I'm treating myself too much.

Maybe I've got it all backwards in the end.........

2 comments:

Diana E.S. said...

Glad I inspired you a little. :) I am also feeling the "leaving Korea" heebie jeebies.

Our embassy interview is May 27. Want to meet for lunch or dinner after?

Rebecca said...

You put into words my feelings too although my situation isn't exactly the same as yours, I've been here almost as long as you and build quite a comfortable set up here - feels weird to throw everything I own in a bad again, move back home to a brand new area of my country and start all over again...Scary but at the same time a change I think I'm ready for! Just wish I could focus instead of feeling torn at times...But I promised myself no more delays, at the end of this contract I have no excuse and I'm gone. x