Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sung Hyun's Idea

It was Sung Hyun's idea to fill out the immigration paperwork forms ourselves. He insisted that we didn't need to hire a lawyer, that we would work together on them by ourselves because that's what everyone on Couple Canada (a website that Sung Hyun belongs to) did. What I already knew was that Sung Hyun wouldn't be able to complete most of the forms by himself since they required an advanced level of English to understand (and some questions to ambiguous for even me to figure out).

But what I didn't expect was the excuses: "let's do this tomorrow", the laziness: "I'm going take a rest first" and the damn right lack of respect as he would rather watch T.V. then help me out.
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I've poured over 100+ hours into this process, sitting by myself reading, re-reading, searching out forums online, writing emails to anyone and everyone, copying and pasting pictures into word documents to validate the progression of our 'genuine' relationship, carefully filling in the forms in bold block letters....................

...........so when I turned around to see Sung Hyun sleeping as I continued on my own, I wanted to rip up all the work, MY work, from the past 2 months, while screaming "IF YOU REALLY WANT TO COME TO CANADA FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THERE BY YOURSELF".

But I didn't.

Instead, I turned back around and cried!

13 comments:

Foreigner Joy said...

My vote is that you don't do anymore and you push him to do it himself or at least work with you.

sigh

Amanda said...

Unfortunately, the process tends to fall on the person who understands the English and the legalese--which is you, in this case.

However, he probably still acts largely as a buffer for you in Korean, doesn't he? Even though Good Man knows English, I'm the gas company, internet company, phone company, bank buffer person. When we were dating in Korea, he was the gas company, bank, Samsung credit card, etc etc buffer.

Keep in mind that if Korean passes dual-citizenship and you (and/or your children) become duals, the Korean part of the process will largely fall on him. The cycle of a bilingual relationship. ;)

Don't they have any good books about the process? The American forms are confusing, too, but I had a GREAT book that spelled everything out.

danielle said...

Don't you hate it when husbands make you cry? Just tell him. Tell him you're stressed and that you can't do this by yourself and ask if you guys can make a time to sit down for a few hours and hash through it. Sounds like your man is normally pretty sensitive to your needs! I bet if you just let him know how he's making you feel, he'll get with the program.
I'm sorry you're so stressed! I'm sure it will all come together in the end!

(Melissa) said...

I experienced similar(ish) things with my ex husband (before he was my husband or my ex) and while every person is different and your situation is also different, I'd like to point out something (something you probably already suspect about marriage) and that is: these things do not (usually) get better or go away *after* a marriage. They usually just morph into bigger versions of the same problem/issue.

I hope you woke him up.

Sorry for being such a downer.

Catherine said...

I can totally understand your frustration. I'm sure he's feeling even more overwhelmed than you are, because it's not something he can do himself. Maybe he's even feeling a bit depressed??? Best of luck with the rest of the process!

Danielle said...

I'm really sorry that he's being lazy.

But I wanted to tell you that this is exactly why I love your blog-- you are honest, and you don't sugarcoat things (or it doesn't appear that way, anyways).

Diana E. said...

hon... hire a lawyer. It's not worth the cost of your relationship.

tanya said...

awww sorry to hear that he isnt much help. Ha sounds like you guys have something in common with procrastination he just doesnt understand how important these forms are to be filled out now as they take a long time to process.

Maybe you need to let him know you are going home in the summer and if he doesnt get the forms filled out and processed in time that he will have to wait in korea without you until the forms are done. That may make him speed up knowing he may have to live without you for a while.

Wish I could help you with the forms, too bad you werent coming home for christmas.

Allison Parks said...

I just started reading your blog... My boyfriend did the same thing to me when filling out the "come to Korea" paperwork for passports and such, but I know organization is not one of his strengths. Just remember your hubby helps you in his own ways... I saw the blog and how he cleaned your bathroom while you made dinner and in that respect you are very lucky... my boyfriend may be terrible with paperwork too, but he keeps my apt clean where I fail... relationships are a constant state of give and take... and right now you have to give your amazing English skills... but you can always take a clean kitchen later. Best of luck to you!

S said...

maybe you should talk with him about it.

Dream The Impossible said...

I had written a long response and lost it. It was pretty much on line with what Amanda wrote. Email me if you want to talk to someone who has been there! ;). Alliejam@gmail.com (lower case a - don't know why it does that!) Cindy in bundang with my own Korean hubby...

asiangarden said...

Just wait until you have children is all I can say.....

Beloved said...

I agree with Melissa's comment. Please try to address this with him. Don't just cry silently. It only gets worse as does the resentment. When you move to Canada, you will have to do EVERYTHING. Unless you don't do everything, and you force him to help.
Please feel free to email me privately if you need to vent. :)