Me

For the past semester I made a promise to treat myself right: physically, psychologically, spiritually - the works!  First, I started to eat healthy and exercise.  Then, I challenged myself with my academic studies.  I made some new friends that I can connect with on an intellectual basis.  In this process, I started writing and producing poetry and short stories.  I have kept these works private and confidential simply because they have a special meaning to me and they matter and make sense to just me.  And finally, I started to take more time to slow down in life -- to lead a more meaningful and purposeful life.

And now that the semester is over I'm taking time to treat myself.  I went to get my hair and make-up professionally done (see picture) and yesterday I went for a facial.  These are things I would NEVER treat myself to because they were "too expensive" or "I really didn't need it."

Now I know I need it.  And now I know how good it feels when you take care of yourself.  

So that's where I've been.  Getting all weird, taking care of myself, and feeling pretty good :)

Thanks for sticking along during the break.   

LOL

The Sun

I saw this picture on FB and stopped for a moment to enjoy its beauty.

The sun, it peeks through spaces, at moments when you least expect it to, just long enough to remind you of the beauty in this world. 

Hold on to these moments. Cherish them. Feel them in your heart, for they will become memories. 

We have cracks in our hearts for a reason: to let the sun in.

~ Jennifer Burton

Religion; thank-you dad

The brush of life, it has touched my heart -- I live for these moments.  I seek them.  Or maybe they seek me.

I just finished another 20 page literature review.  I've got one more to do and about 8 days to do it.  In the meantime, I've written a few personal pieces of poetry and a couple short stories.  These writings, I've only shared them with a select few.  In doing this, I have brought these people to tears.

I have a gift.  I can touch people's hearts with my words.

I feel so very blessed.

Speaking of tears -- in this quest for knowledge, I have found religion, or maybe it was with me this whole time.  I am not ready to define or set limits on what I am or am not.  And the search, it will continue, but yesterday I was given a gift that brought me to tears.

On top of that, two days ago I received the best gift I could from my father: a letter -- from his heart to mine.

Thank-you dad.

The start, the end, the beginning, the middle, the everywhere, the nowhere, the uncomfortable space in-between...

In the past couple of months I've gone through some major life transitions.  If you follow me on Facebook or are my friend in real life you'd probably sense this.  In this process, I've been ripped to my very core.  I'm exposed from the inside out.  I've felt raw emotions that I've never ever experienced.  I let myself sit in these emotions.  I give myself permission to feel them, to let them mold me into something new.

Have you ever watched yourself in the mirror when you cry?  You should.  It's a beautiful thing!

The thing I'm playing with most is my vulnerability.  And let me say this: it takes A LOT of courage to be vulnerable.  This journey of discover is scary, BUT never in my life have I felt so ALIVE.    

An accumulation of several things has brought me to this point:  a death in the family, dealing with living away from my spouse, a change of direction in my university studies, the realization that I'm leaving for Korea in a month, the recent friends who have joined me in this process, the different way I look at feel the world.

In these moments, I'm able to harness a type of energy that is truly transformational.  I'm playing with poetry.  And I'm really living.  Today I walked a little slower, laughed a little longer, and breathed a bit deeper.

It seems the older I get, the less I have figured out!

Proposal

Submitted the first draft of my 41 page proposal to my supervisor on Friday.  I should get it back from her sometime this week to work on round two.  I have a feeling I'm really going to HATE the editing part!  I thoroughly enjoyed the reading but struggled much more than I usually do with the writing.  Either way, I did the best I could.  Now I've got 1 month to work on edits, and write 2 literature reviews for another class.

I've had my nose buried in the books for the past month.  This past weekend I went dancing to celebrate.  I had a blast!!

Back to the grind I go.

How to keep moving forward when your brain hates you

I was reading an online article and at the end there was this:

"To my friends in grad school:

Grad school is absolutely, undeniably, a Hard Thing. I’m sure you’ve all developed or are developing your own list of ways to cope with that, and that’s awesome.

But might I humbly suggest… making therapy one of the tools in your toolbox. Grad school is not a healthy environment. It’s set up to make you feel stupid, all the time! That’s important for learning, but it can wear on even the most enthusiastic scientist. There are also many powerful forces in grad school pushing you to work at 110% AT ALL TIMES. That’s literally impossible. It’s an environment built to make even the most resilient person a little bit crazy."

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels crazy RIGHT now!!!!